Sarah, Joe B, and the zombie apocalypse (the re-rejoinder)

C’mon bro.  There are so many holes in your Sarah Palin argument the little eastern European kid with his finger in the dike just gave you the finger and walked off.

Let’s work backwards as we unravel your tapestry of delusion.

At the zombie apocalypse I’m taking Joe all day long.  It’s pragmatic really.  Ain’t no denying Sarah is in great shape.  She’s even getting ready to put out an exercise video.  So while she may be able to swing an axe, she will tire, as will you.  When you both decide to flee, it’s the slow poke who gets eaten.  No offense my long time comrade, but you ain’t the svelte warrior you used to be.  In simple words, the last thing you see, as zombies are eating your ass, is the bottoms of Sarah Barracuda’s Nike’s.  Trust me, she won’t look back, she doesn’t posses the fortitude.  So that leaves me with Crazy Joe, who may or may not just scare the bejeezus out of the zombies.  But if he doesn’t I gotta believe I can out run him.  If nothing else I won’t hesitate to trip him.  Your love for “sweet Sarah” may prevent you from that last second life saving maneuver.

So far the score is: Zombies – 1

Tony – left for dead by the half Governor, or as we call it in Jersey – ZERO



















Ok moving on.

If she can’t handle some vicious attacks, and they were no doubt, she doesn’t really deserve to be on the world stage as the second most powerful person.  If little Katie Couric jams you up with a question about what magazines do you read, you might not deserve to be the second most powerful person in the world.  Afraid of her?  You damn betcha.  Afraid she might get her hands on the launch codes.  Now you are correct when you say she accepted the offer.  It’s not really her fault.  It’s not really McCains fault.  It’s Steve Schmitt’s fault.  Ole Stevie was the main adviser to McCain and the genius behind the whole idea, and the guy who eventually signed off on Sarah.  He knew the issues with her lack of, shall we say, intellectual abilities but he pressed on thinking it would not matter.  In the movie Game Change – about the 08 race, Schmitt is played by Woody Harrelson.  Woody plays Schmitt about 10x smarter than he really is.

Gonna give you 1/2 there.

Zombies 1.5

Hupp .5 – not looking good bro.

Alright now we are down to the meat and potatoes.  Smart, good-looking, self-made, determined and tough are the attributes I believe you laid out.  Again we’ll work backwards for extra degree of difficulty.

Tough – yes yes, tough.  So tough that when she felt a little heat she fled the kitchen, failing to finish her one term as Governor of Alaska.  The irony there is, she actually served less time in her office than Obama did in his before he became President.  She bemoaned the fact that Obama had only been a Senator for two years and was not nearly qualified.  She had not even been Governor for 18 months when she made that claim during the campaign. And then she resigned before being in office as long as President Obama was Senator.   Gotta burn a bit there. -1

Determined – See above.  Although she has made some serious cake, (read money), since dumping her responsibilities to the fine citizens of Alaska, so that’s a push. +/- 0

Self-made – Hardly.  The first Dude, what’s his name, Todd, He made her.  His involvement in the separation party of Alaska – the movement to make Alaska secede from the Union and be it’s own country helped push Sarah into being an accidental Mayor of a town where the Mayor does nothing.  Literally.  Wasilla has no government.  It has seven streets.  They have no resources or services.  Wasilla relies on the neighboring town of Fairview for police, fire, mail, water, electric, sewer, public school, busses, snow plowing, and on and on and on.  They have a small budget, which she left in the red as she ditched the job to run for Governor, urged on by the Alaska Independence Party.  Then all it took was a quick stab in the back to all her republican party mentors and all of a sudden it’s Sarah the reformer.  -1

Good looking –  ok you got me.   She’s smoking and gets better looking with age.      +2

No brainer.








Smart – Hard to know where to start here.  I know, I’ll let Sarah do the talking.  

“All of ’em, any of ’em that have been in front of me over all these years.” –Sarah Palin, unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008.  Those damn gotcha questions.  Couric must be a socialist, fascists, communist.
“Well, let’s see. There’s ― of course in the great history of America there have been rulings that there’s never going to be absolute consensus by every American, and there are those issues, again, like Roe v. Wade, where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So, you know, going through the history of America, there would be others but ―” –Sarah Palin, unable to name a Supreme Court decision she disagreed with other than Roe vs. Wade, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008 – this was tough to watch, really it was.
“He who warned, uh, the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells, and um, makin’ sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed.” –Sarah Palin, botching the history of Paul Revere’s midnight ride, June 3, 2011.  – As a history major this one actually caused me physical pain.  Mainly because she was on the right track, she just got lost and no GPS could bring her back.  Revere didn’t just shout the British were coming.  That’s the simplistic view.   He did go to the British and talk smack. Basically saying “give it a run fellas but we will shoot you in the face.”  Possibly the first recorded smack talk in American history.
“But obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies.” –Sarah Palin, after being asked how she would handle the current hostilities between the two Koreas, interview on Glenn Beck’s radio show, Nov. 24, 2010. – Not a gaffe or misspeak folks. Glen Beck gave her several hints to correct herself and she refused and stood by her quote until it was explained to her that there were two Koreas, a north and south.  Her alleged response to that was – I wasn’t aware of that.  You don’t say.

Say Whaaaa?

Here is my favorite –

Q: Brandon Garcia wants to know, “What does the Vice President do?”

PALIN: That’s something that Piper would ask me! … [T]hey’re in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom.  Ooh that stings.  Not even close.  Vice President breaks ties if the senate gets deadlocked on a vote.  That’s it.  Not even legally allowed to engage in policy.  The majority party leader is in charge of the Senate, currently Nevada Democrat Harry Reid.  The VP just sits there and really doesn’t attend much unless the vote is on something historic or contentious.

Having said all that, the smarts department is a push.  Can’t even fit Biden’s comments on here but last night in Ohio, a key battle ground state, Biden jumped up on stage and declared, “man I love it here in Iowa.”  And no, he had not been traveling all day. That was his only stop.  Sit down Joe.  WTF.    +/-0

Shut Up Joe.









Final score Tony .5  Zombies 1.5.  So it was a lot closer than I thought but, at the end of the day, I’ll take out running an old man to escape the zombies than watching Palin outrun me and having my last dying thought be, “really, she’s gonna survive and repopulate the species!?”

Oh yeah and -1 for dissing Barbera Walters.  Ba Ba Waa Waa Indeed.