‘Twas the night before mid-terms, when all through the Senate,
The Democrats were stirring, wondering, “can we win it?”
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
Hoping that lobbyists would fill them up there.
The representatives were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of voters danced in their heads,
And Michelle in her nightgown and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I thought another intruder had jumped the fence, for that matter.
Away to the window I flew in a blur,
Yelled for the secret service, and wondered where they were.
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below;
When, to what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a republican sleigh, they’re going to get me, oh dear!
With a little old driver, curly hair and not tall,
I knew in a moment it must be Rand Paul.
More rapid than filibusters the politicians they came,
And he whistled, and pontificated, and called them by name:
now Christie, now Bush, now Jindal and Perry
On Rubio, on Ryan, of your gaffes be wary,
“To the top of the house, to the top of the Senate!
Now campaign, campaign, we’ll be there in a minute!”
As dry chad before the Florida winds fly,
We’re running for president, we’ll make the dems cry
So to the top of the mid-terms the republicans flew,
With the sleigh full of victories – and some minorities, too.
And then MSNBC I heard on the news
They cried and they cried, “What next? Ted Cruz?”
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
McConnell took Kentucky, new sheriff in town,
A victory speech he gave, with his wife looking fancy,
“Take a seat, Harry Reed, go visit with Nancy”
A bundle of issues was flung on his back,
And he looked like an old white dude, coal dust on his back,
His eyes – how they twinkled! his dimples how merry,
“Just wait till I take over the Senate, young Barry”
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
“You’ve had it your own way too long, you know”
With the reigns of the senate held tight in his teeth,
“We’ll change your climate, commander-in-chief”
Now you want to sit down, have a bourbon with Mitch?
The times have changed, no more bait and switch,
Your term is corrupt, a crooked administration,
Hope and change is gone, it’s left the station.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon let me know, I’m a lame duck with dread.
And gathering the Senate, he went straight to his work,
Filled my stockings with issues, probably called me a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose.
He said, “You’ve got a pen and a phone, we’ll see how that goes.”
He sprung to the senate, to his colleagues gave a shout,
“I’m not sure what we can do, but we’ll see the man out,”
But I heard him exclaim, not allaying my fears,
Happy Christmas to all, except these last two years.