Twas the Night Before an Election Christmas
‘Twas the night of the election, when all thro’ the land
All the people were stirring, with a scotch in their hand,
The votes were being counted in polling places with care,
In hopes that a new president soon would be there;
The democrats were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of bloated programs danced in their heads
And Hillary in in her ‘kerchief, and Bill in his cap,
They’d just settled down and thought, we’ll win this, it’s a snap!
When into the night there arose such a clatter,
Voters sprang from their beds to see what was the matter.
Away to their big screens they flew like a flash,
Grabbed the remote, punched the on button in a dash.
The screens they lit up with a news-worthy glow,
Giving high-def luster to what result would show,
When, what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But a new president, not who they expected, oh dear,
With their cheers falling silent, they felt like a chump,
They knew in a moment, it was Donald J. Trump.
More rapid than eagles his nominees they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
“Now Sessions, now Carson, now Mattis and Ross,
“On Kelly, on Price, on Chao and Devoss;
“To the top of the cabinet! To the top of the wall!
“Now dash away! Dash away! Get confirmed all!”
As liberals before micro-aggressions would fly,
When they lose an election, they bitch, moan and cry,
So up to Trump Tower the nominees they flew,
With the sleigh full of ideas—and Ivanka, too:
And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of a communist hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney came Vladimir Putin, with a bound:
He was dressed all in fur, except for his chest,
He told the Trumpster, “pick Tillerson,” he’s the best,
The Donald had a bundle of people in his tower,
And he loved the attention, and enjoyed the power,
His eyes—how they twinkled! His visitors so merry,
They were happy coming in, Romney left a little wary,
Madow’s mouth was drawn up like a bow,
She cried like a baby, stuck her head in the snow,
The threat of the electors dems held tight in their teeth,
And the idea encircled their heads like a wreath.
They tried to show a bold front, and said “the ruskies hacked our mail,”
And Preibus laughed when he heard it, and said “you’ll never prevail”
Reince was named chief of staff, a jolly republican elf,
And I laugh’d when I saw him in spite of myself;
A wink of Kellyanne’s eye and a twist of her head
Soon let me know I had nothing to dread.
On a thank-you tour, Trump went straight to his work,
And tweeted a lot, sometimes like a jerk,
To appear at Trump Tower, even Kanye arose,
and stopped on his way out, striking a pose.
The Donald sprung to his plane, to Trump Air gave a whistle,
And away they all flew, like the down of a thistle:
But I heard Alec exclaim, ere he disappeared from sight—
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!