Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Obamacare soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of check-ups danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.
When on my laptop there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the desk I flew like a fiend,
Hit the on button, and threw up the screen.
The view on my screen looked like new-fallen snow
Which gave the lustre of disfunction to the browser, you know,
When, to what to my wondering eyes should appear,
It was healthcare.gov, but it didn’t look very clear.
My little old laptop used to be so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment the website would stick.
Slower than snails the site it did load,
“This will be better soon” the administration had sold
Now escape key, control tab, escape key again,
Control alt delete, I just wonder when,
This site won’t work, it won’t work at all!
I just rebooted, it continues to stall!
As turtles that before a cold-front sit
This is taking so long, I just wanted to quit
I called the number that was listed there,
They’d all went home, without even a care.
And then, it started twinkling, and I heard a small sound
The screeching and spinning of my hard drive going round
As I shook my head, and was thinking it’s done,
I watched the press conference, it wasn’t much fun.
She was dressed in a suit, from her head to her toe,
And her clothes were well pressed, she was going to a party, you know.
A bundle of people stood behind her back,
She looked like a bureaucrat, leading her pack.
Her eyes-how they twinkled! Her look was so scary!
Her cheeks were so pale, her nose like little berry,
Her droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
As she prepared her white lies, as white as the snow.
She smiled so tightly, baring her teeth,
Her hair was so white, it circled her head like a wreath.
She had a thin face and a story so wrong,
I laughed when she said it, good, hard and long
Then the head man said “I’m sorry” with glee,
We’ll get this fixed real quick, you see,
With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
He said “This is the Republicans fault” you’ve nothing to dread.
He spoke no more words, but went on to other work,
And I sat at my laptop, and felt like a jerk,
He issued a statement, through the press it arose,
We’ll hold someone accountable, or we won’t, who knows?
He sprang to the White House, to Jay gave a whistle,
“Take no more questions, pluck them out like a thistle,”
But I heard him exclaim, as he left in a whiz,
“Happy Obamacare to all, if you can get it, that is!”