Gonna rock down to… Glenn Beckistan???

Yes!  He’s back!

Well he never really left but I ain’t droppin no $10 american every month just to watch GBTV (Glenn Beck TV).  Yeah so once Fox and Beck parted ways Glenn sailed for safer harbors, aka Dallas Texas, and started his own web TV station.  He still does his immensely popular radio show, which he also moved to Texas.  Everything is bigger in Texas except for the cost of doing business, especially as compared to New York.

GBTV has been largely unremarkable except for the fact that it’s still going.  With 300,000 subscribers, (really?) GBTV will be around for a bit longer.  I bet the under 6 months on the el foldo for GBTV.  Toughest $2 bucks I ever parted with.  But now Glenn is back, in part because he has proposed something so wonderful most news outlets have given it a few minutes of air time.  Internet publications have covered it a bit more.

So you want to know what it is, do ya, really?

Glenn Beck is going to build a city.

Go ahead, take a minute.

Oh Glenn, you know not how I’ve missed you.

The slayer of socialism, communism, fascism, spreading the wealthism, and Islamist-ism, (all completely different isms and also directly opposed to each other by the way), is going to build a grand city where real `muricans can live in real `murica.

He’s not kidding.  He has toured 3 prospective sites around the USA, and received an estimate in the 2 billion dollar range as to cost of this Beck Utopia.  Of course that will require donations.  His web TV station and his radio show don’t bring in enough to cover the cost.  But the city will have everything from ball parks to working farms to places of worship and education.  But no socialism.  NO Sir! No commies in Glennville. Better dead than red will be the city motto.

Castle Becktenstein

Castle Becktenstein

OK I made that motto thing up.  Good thing too, because it would be inaccurate.

The city, if built according to Beck’s vision, will be the model communist utopia Glenn has made a living castigating.

Ahem, for example:

People will be required to produce their own food.  No free loaders

Houses will not have back yards, people will be required to congregate in their front yards so as to build a communal atmosphere. (Not making this up)

Only small “free market” shops will be allowed:

No Taco Bell and the like because fattys will not be tolerated

No Gap or Urban Outfitters – only mom and pop stores making their own clothes will be permitted.

Residents of Glennopolis will only be allowed to watch movies and documentaries they themselves produce. (Honestly I am not making this up.)

This is so insane that I’m actually going to put references at the bottom like Hupp does. I’m normally too lazy for that but this story demands it.   OK back to the wonderful madness.

Worship centers will be Christian-centric (not really sure what that means, but if you get handed kool aide at a “worship” service I would advise against drinking it.  I’m not sayin I’m just sayin)



Anyone who wants to send their kids to college will be able to send their children to one of Glenn’s education centers for a week prior to school starting so they can be pre-emptively deprogrammed.  The kids can also go to these centers for a week every summer in between school years.   OK most of it is epically stupid and funny.  This one is a little frighting to me.

And most important there will be no big brother or big government intrusion.  In real`murica you’ll be able to live how you see fit, with no one telling you what to do. Provided you adhere to the previous list.

And no, Glenn sees no contradiction in the last sentence.  Didn’t I mention, contradictions are not allowed in Beckelsvannia.

I always suspected Beck never did any of the research and reading he claimed while at Fox.  Now we know he hasn’t.  The rules of his city could not be any more communistic if he tried.  The fact that he has rules for a supposedly free city he wants to call Independence is so staggeringly contradictory I fear a tear in the space time continuum.


`Murica for `Muricans

`Murica for `Muricans

Karl Marx isn’t spinning in his grave, he’s salivating.  His Manifesto may just come to life.

Who knew it would be Glenn freaking Beck and a city called Independence that would make it happen

A city called Independence with no Taco Bell.



Independence?!?  Sounds more like Ass-crackistan.







Daily Beast 

Glenn Beck TV – this link is to Glenn’s web site where you can take a virtual tour of Ass-crackistan Independence narrated by Glenn himself.

Mother Jones Magazine – This article talks about Ass-crackistan Independence as more of a theme park instead of a city but with all of the above rules and living guidelines.

The Raw Story

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s